Overwhelmed with Anxiety

Question:

I am overwhelmed with anxiety. Is the Coronavirus crisis ever going to end? Will I ever get a job?

Answer:

It may be that part of what you’re feeling is not so much anxiety as grief.

That’s not just wordplay. If you can name what you’re feeling, it gives you a little more control over it.

Think about it: we’ve lost a lot, all of us. Everybody has lost something to the Coronavirus. We’ve lost a considerable part of our feeling that life is fair; that we are safe; that we’ll be all right, one way or another. We’ve lost a very real sense of connection with others, no matter how hard we try to keep up. And if you were job searching before the virus, you may have a lot of other questions as well: if that offer is still open; if that company will survive the quarantine; how you’re going to keep up your momentum. We keep hearing that this will not last forever, and part of us knows that; but other parts aren’t so sure.

David Kessler, co-author of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss, puts it this way: “We’re also feeling anticipatory grief. Anticipatory grief is that feeling we get about what the future holds when we’re uncertain. … Anticipatory grief is also more broadly imagined futures. … There’s something bad out there. With a virus, this kind of grief is so confusing for people. Our primitive mind knows something bad is happening, but you can’t see it. This breaks our sense of safety.”

So what can you do?

It helps to be aware of the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance. (These stages also apply to job loss.) They are not linear stages; you may find yourself bouncing back and forth among them, and that’s normal. Recognize them, allow yourself to feel them, and let them go. They’re feelings; they won’t last forever.

Control what you can, and let go of what you can’t, as much as possible. It might help to write it down in two columns: what you can control in one, and what you can’t control in the other. You can wash your hands frequently; you can practice physical distancing. You can’t control the behavior of others, or how many cases of the Coronavirus there are.

Try not to focus on the worst-case scenario. Yes, you should be informed, but you don’t have to watch the news all day. The great likelihood is that you and everyone you love will survive this. And that you will work again.

Focus on the present, and on what’s around you. You are alive; you are healthy. You are at home with your family. You have food in the refrigerator, running water, electricity. In this exact moment, you’re all right.

Read this article by Scott Berinato for more thoughts.

It’s become a cliché, but hang on. We’re all in it together, and it will end. Better times are coming.